Saturday, April 30, 2005

just something funny

Someone sent me this and I thought it was funny...

New Company Policies

Dress Code:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially, and therefore, you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore, you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be, and therefore, you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Average people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.

Monday, April 25, 2005


Talking to Chris on the phone. He's in Elizabethtown tonight because Shane called him and told him that the dogs were fighting with each other and 86 and one of the new dogs was almost dead. Turns out that they weren't almost dead (which is good) but one of the other dogs is being a bully so he was dispatched with a quickness. I don't want to know what exactly was meant by "dispatched", but I have a guess.

The kids are annoying me. Told them to go to bed and they keep finding excuses to get up. I'm one step away from silently screaming.

Made chili for dinner but not sure why because I ended up being the only one who ate it. I'm sure Chris will when he gets home but the kids both said it was too hot. So they ate something different and everyone was moderately happy.

Chris is still yapping about the dogs. I wonder how long it will take for me not to respond before he realizes that I'm not really listening? Oh, I think he got

Tired. Ready for bed. Got things to do before I can go. Not really sure what the point of this entry was....

Sunday, April 24, 2005

tired of thinking of titles

My titles are starting to suck more and I could do the whole song line thing as titles but it seems a lot of people are doing that. And besides, I listen to some really weird stuff and no one would understand the meaning of the lyrics... Movie lines are out too because I don't watch enough movies to come up with anything good... I guess I'm stuck with whatever should happen to pop into my head at any given moment.

So yes, I realize that I have been avoiding writing anything of real substance but that's because... well to be perfectly honest, I'm avoiding thinking about stuff that has any substance to it. There's so much going on that I had to open new parts of my brain to keep up with it all. The filing cabinet up there is getting full. Time to clean it out and discard the crap I've been hanging onto forever... Never realized that would be so difficult.

Today was pretty much normal. Chris had to work, Nick and Elizabeth tried to tear down the house, the usual stuff. I managed to get a 10 minute nap before I heard *CRASH* and jumped up to discover that somehow my children had made the entertainment center collapse. Fortunately, it only has knick-knacks and dolls on it and not anything remotely expensive... oh say, like the tv... which is what most people keep in their entertainment center

Made dinner, waited for Chris to get home. He's here now, yapping my ear off about something. I'm not quite sure what he's talking about because I'm not really listening... We were discussing sleep apneas earlier and somehow he's convinced he's got one. We won't go there right now but apparently someone mentioned the symptoms and he's got like 3 of the 4 which I tried to tell him could mean almost anything but he's got sleep apnea on the brain now. I've been trying to convince him to go get a physical for ages now and if him thinking he has a sleep apnea gets him to the doctor any faster then I'm willing to listen to him prattle on about it for awhile. I'm half tempted to break his leg or something so he has to go... That was a joke by the way. If I broke his leg, I'd have to listen to him whine and complain and ask me to hand him stuff that he could reach anyways without moving his leg... lol. Yeah, so no breaking his leg.

I should be doing something more productive. *runs off*

Monday, April 4, 2005

annoyed to no end

I'm sorry, where you speaking? I wasn't paying any attention. I was lost in my own little world thinking about stuff that I probably shouldn't even be contemplating. That's what I said to Chris after he finished talking ad nauseum about hunting dogs. He's getting ummmm... 4 new ones I think is the latest count. What the hell does any reasonable person need with 15, no 16 hunting dogs? Please don't answer I just smiled and said "that's nice honey" and rolled my eyes... :-/ I don't understand the fascination but then again, I'm also the woman who can't fathom why any reasonably sane person would feel the need to get up at 3 am in the middle of winter when there is snow on the ground to go out and hunt something. It is beyond my comprehension. I keep my silence, for the most part, because he's been doing it his entire life and I'm not about to stop him. Besides, most of the time, I enjoy the peace and quiet him being out of the house gives me. Because while I love him dearly, if his day doesn't have activities planned out to account for all of his waking hours, he runs around the house like a chicken with his head detached just searching for stuff to do. And fidgeting. I hear "I'm bored" from him just I like I do from And he can mess up a clean house faster than any child I've ever encountered. So yeah, him having hunting to go off and do is probably beneficial to us both.

I started my family's version of the world war today. :-/ I didn't mean to do it... I really didn't. Honestly. But I did and I'm not sorry for it and I probably won't be spoken to by my mother for awhile but I'm beyond the point of caring right now. She calls Gina to tell her that Grandma is in the critical care unit. The doctors put her in there last night. She asks Gina to pass along the information to me. As if she's too busy to make a 30 second phone call. That was the first thing that pissed me off. She also tells Gina that we shouldn't go visit until she calls to tell us that Grandma is back in a private room because visiting hours at the CCU are only for 15 minutes on the hour every 3 hours and for 30 minutes at 6pm. And she can only have two visitors at a time.That was the second and third thing that pissed me off. First of all, getting information from my mother is like pulling teeth and Grandma could have been discharged by the time she gets around to telling us they've taken her out of the CCU and second, no one and by no one I mean my mother, is going to tell me that I can't go see her. If the doctor says it, fine, but my mother is all like "There are such limited visiting hours I'd hate for y'all to drive all the way up there and not be able to see her."

Let's get this straight: If Marie drives to Dunn (which for me is only like a 15 minute drive) and can't see her, she can easily return at the next set of visiting hours. If Marie drives to Dunn and there are only a couple of people up there, somebody can leave the room for me to have 5 minutes to speak to her and tell her I love her and give her a hug and a kiss. I'm not asking for a full 15 or 30 minute visit. I just want her to know that I care and that I came up there because despite the fact that she's got Alzheimer's I truly believe that she still has lucid points and can comprehend things.

Regardless... I was pissed. She (that woman I call mama) is not going to tell me when I can or can not see my grandma. I'm 28 years old and I stopped doing what they told me years and years ago. She can get over it. Judging from my sister's reaction, you would have assumed that I was contemplating something sinister. She actually said and I quote: "You are still going to go up there even though she said not to." Ummmm hell yes. And they can be pissed off if they want but this woman is my grandma too and they are not going to dictate when I can see her. Fuck that. (You have already figured out haven't you that the whole family world war thing got started because my sister has a big mouth and repeated all that I said to my mother....right? If you hadn't, you are now informed. 8-)

So she's all shocked acting and I can't believe you'd do that... and blah blah blah. Gina's problem is that she likes to stir stuff up for one, and for two, she's afraid of doing something that will make them (the parents) angry with her. I, on the other hand, gave up caring about their opinion eons ago and personally prefer when they don't speak to me... makes my life a lot less complicated. Like I tried to tell her, Grandma is 85 years old. They may never take her out of that CCU... she may be there until the day she dies and I don't want to lose the chance to get to talk with her because my mother was being an overbearing.... I'm sure you get the point.

And I know her very well. When other family members comment about Marie and Gina haven't been to visit, she won't step up and say "Well I told them not to until after they move her out of here..."; instead, she'll be like "Well you know how they are. Too busy with their own lives to give a rat's behind." Or something to that effect. I'm telling you the woman is a poster child for two-facedness sometimes.

I despise all the drama. I really wish they'd all act their age and not their shoe sizes.

My children are sleeping. Chris is watching a movie and I'm sitting here... omg, why am I sitting here? It's almost 11pm. I should be in bed. Which is where I think I am headed.

Sunday, April 3, 2005

a peaceful afternoon

Chris took such a long nap yesterday afternoon that he didn't want to sleep last night. And in the process of him not sleeping, he decided he wanted to talk and watch a movie in the bedroom while I was trying to sleep. So with that and the time changing, I woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all.

I made everyone breakfast and did dishes. He got dressed and left for Etown. I had told him yesterday that since he had to work, he could go today and I wouldn't bitch about it. Of course, I didn't anticipate feeling like death warmed over either but I didn't say anything. Just gave him a kiss and told him to have a nice time.

Elizabeth and Nick have argued all morning. Over what to watch and what to do and Nick spent most of the morning looking out the Jimmy had told him that they would pick him up today and take him to see Hope and Miss Jean (Dawn's sister and aunt) with Dylan so he was all antsy. Finally about 1 pm, he tells me that he had counted his chickens too early...lmao. And he stopped looking out the door. I tried to explain to him that Aunt Dawn doesn't get in a hurry and it's Sunday so more than likely they hadn't left yet. He wasn't convinced. At 1:30 there was a knock on the door and Dylan was standing there asking if Nick could go so I shooed him out of the house. He'll be happy now. He got to go and he doesn't have to look at me and his sister all afternoon. At least his spring break week ended well. He's had people over or been to someone's house every day since Thursday. I told him I was going to clean his room while he was gone which probably made him happier. He hates to clean it and I know for a fact that Elizabeth is the one who messed it up this time so I decided to do it.

We still have a ton of work to do on the history project. I have laundry going and Elizabeth is on the couch watch the 3rd Harry Potter movie. I've been wondering if they are going to make movies out of all 7 books? Because the kid who plays HP will be old and gray by the time they get to the 7th I'm amazed at how much he's grown up from one movie to the next. And someone else playing his part won't be the same. He is the face of Harry Potter now.

I've got a headache brewing. I can feel it behind my eyes and I took some medicine in the hopes of holding it off. I don't think it's going to work.

Going away now. Got to get stuff done.

Saturday, April 2, 2005

screaming out loud

The morning started with Chris getting up and informing of a)it's really pouring outside, b)you have to go ahead and get up because all of the kids are already up (it was only 6 am. I wanted to sleep a little while longer. For the love of all things holy, it's Saturday!!! :'() and c)I don't know what time I'll be home. :'( :'( He had to work today and he was not happy about it especially since it was storming outside. So I drag my very unhappy self out of bed and proceed to take medicine, do every morning routine stuff, throw laundry in the washer, and put on a pot of coffee. And then I made breakfast for six. I'm really grateful I don't have to do that on an everyday basis. Because it's difficult especially when everyone wants something different. :-/ I finally had enough with the breakfast orders, informed them that this wasn't the Waffle House or IHOP and gave them three very basic choices: cereal, eggs or cinnamon toast. At 6:15 am I don't function well enough to do a four course breakfast and fresh squeezed juice. At 6:15 am people are lucky that I'm lucid enough to not bite someone's head off. At 6:15 am I'm not a nice person! ;D At least if I haven't had that cup of coffee yet.

So with breakfast done and out of the way, I decided to do dishes while I watched it pour rain outside and I listened to all of those children argue about whether or not they wanted to a)watch a movie, b)play a video game or c) rip the house down around my head. :-o Elizabeth and Emily voted for ripped the house down while the boys decided they wanted to watch a movie. I couldn't say much about it because it was raining and they couldn't get outside and at least it kept them quiet for about 5 minutes. Brandon didn't want to watch the third HP because it "scares me" and Nick and Jamie decided to make fun of him and call him a baby at which point he came crying to me tattling and so they made fun of him for crying.... can you tell how my morning went?

Sharon calls at like 10, right after the sun came out and Marie realized that no the children couldn't go out to play because my yard has become a miniature river. Says James will come pick them up and that my children can come home with him if I want them to like we discussed yesterday and in the same breath told me she wasn't feeling well today and if I didn't want them to come today they could come next weekend or the weekend after. Which I took to mean: I don't really want your children to come spend the night tonight but I don't want to tell you so since I previously promised they could and since you took all of my children even though it was very apparent that you were about to pass out from exhaustion. Gosh, that's a lot of meaning from one little Needless to say, I didn't let them go home with James which made Nick mad. Elizabeth could have cared less. After spending almost 48 hours with Emily, she was ready to regain sole control of her castle. I was ready for a nap.

Nick got over his madness after they left because while I was making him lunch, Dylan called and they made plans to spend the afternoon together. So it ended well. I came home after dropping him off, Chris got home early, we took a nap, made dinner blah blah blah. It was a peaceful afternoon.

Came online for a little bit, read faves and commented. Chris made me get off the computer because dinner was and he's probably about to make me get off of it again because he wants to use it. Never mind that he has his own. He, for some reason, always wants to use mine. He's a bit irritated right now because he's on the phone with Ricky and Elizabeth keeps begging him to let her talk. Ricky is one of her favorite people. He doesn't know quite what to do about

My mother finally called me this morning. To tell me that Grandma made it through the surgery ok and was resting. Information I already had thanks to Ricky who has parents who keep him informed. 8- I should probably tone down the entire bitterness thing. I know she's got a lot going on but it pissed me off when she said she got my messages yesterday but was "too tired" to call me back. It only takes a minute. :-/

Going away now. Got to do dishes and relinquish control of my I'm getting the evil eye.

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 175

It's been awhile since I have done one of these although my offline gratitude practice remains on point. In no particular order, here ar...