Monday, April 4, 2005

annoyed to no end

I'm sorry, where you speaking? I wasn't paying any attention. I was lost in my own little world thinking about stuff that I probably shouldn't even be contemplating. That's what I said to Chris after he finished talking ad nauseum about hunting dogs. He's getting ummmm... 4 new ones I think is the latest count. What the hell does any reasonable person need with 15, no 16 hunting dogs? Please don't answer I just smiled and said "that's nice honey" and rolled my eyes... :-/ I don't understand the fascination but then again, I'm also the woman who can't fathom why any reasonably sane person would feel the need to get up at 3 am in the middle of winter when there is snow on the ground to go out and hunt something. It is beyond my comprehension. I keep my silence, for the most part, because he's been doing it his entire life and I'm not about to stop him. Besides, most of the time, I enjoy the peace and quiet him being out of the house gives me. Because while I love him dearly, if his day doesn't have activities planned out to account for all of his waking hours, he runs around the house like a chicken with his head detached just searching for stuff to do. And fidgeting. I hear "I'm bored" from him just I like I do from And he can mess up a clean house faster than any child I've ever encountered. So yeah, him having hunting to go off and do is probably beneficial to us both.

I started my family's version of the world war today. :-/ I didn't mean to do it... I really didn't. Honestly. But I did and I'm not sorry for it and I probably won't be spoken to by my mother for awhile but I'm beyond the point of caring right now. She calls Gina to tell her that Grandma is in the critical care unit. The doctors put her in there last night. She asks Gina to pass along the information to me. As if she's too busy to make a 30 second phone call. That was the first thing that pissed me off. She also tells Gina that we shouldn't go visit until she calls to tell us that Grandma is back in a private room because visiting hours at the CCU are only for 15 minutes on the hour every 3 hours and for 30 minutes at 6pm. And she can only have two visitors at a time.That was the second and third thing that pissed me off. First of all, getting information from my mother is like pulling teeth and Grandma could have been discharged by the time she gets around to telling us they've taken her out of the CCU and second, no one and by no one I mean my mother, is going to tell me that I can't go see her. If the doctor says it, fine, but my mother is all like "There are such limited visiting hours I'd hate for y'all to drive all the way up there and not be able to see her."

Let's get this straight: If Marie drives to Dunn (which for me is only like a 15 minute drive) and can't see her, she can easily return at the next set of visiting hours. If Marie drives to Dunn and there are only a couple of people up there, somebody can leave the room for me to have 5 minutes to speak to her and tell her I love her and give her a hug and a kiss. I'm not asking for a full 15 or 30 minute visit. I just want her to know that I care and that I came up there because despite the fact that she's got Alzheimer's I truly believe that she still has lucid points and can comprehend things.

Regardless... I was pissed. She (that woman I call mama) is not going to tell me when I can or can not see my grandma. I'm 28 years old and I stopped doing what they told me years and years ago. She can get over it. Judging from my sister's reaction, you would have assumed that I was contemplating something sinister. She actually said and I quote: "You are still going to go up there even though she said not to." Ummmm hell yes. And they can be pissed off if they want but this woman is my grandma too and they are not going to dictate when I can see her. Fuck that. (You have already figured out haven't you that the whole family world war thing got started because my sister has a big mouth and repeated all that I said to my mother....right? If you hadn't, you are now informed. 8-)

So she's all shocked acting and I can't believe you'd do that... and blah blah blah. Gina's problem is that she likes to stir stuff up for one, and for two, she's afraid of doing something that will make them (the parents) angry with her. I, on the other hand, gave up caring about their opinion eons ago and personally prefer when they don't speak to me... makes my life a lot less complicated. Like I tried to tell her, Grandma is 85 years old. They may never take her out of that CCU... she may be there until the day she dies and I don't want to lose the chance to get to talk with her because my mother was being an overbearing.... I'm sure you get the point.

And I know her very well. When other family members comment about Marie and Gina haven't been to visit, she won't step up and say "Well I told them not to until after they move her out of here..."; instead, she'll be like "Well you know how they are. Too busy with their own lives to give a rat's behind." Or something to that effect. I'm telling you the woman is a poster child for two-facedness sometimes.

I despise all the drama. I really wish they'd all act their age and not their shoe sizes.

My children are sleeping. Chris is watching a movie and I'm sitting here... omg, why am I sitting here? It's almost 11pm. I should be in bed. Which is where I think I am headed.

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 175

It's been awhile since I have done one of these although my offline gratitude practice remains on point. In no particular order, here ar...