Tuesday, May 24, 2005

updated-ness (Friday)

I did not realize I hadn't written in five days. Gosh time flies... when you aren't having fun as well as when you are I guess. :-o
Let's see:
Friday: Got up early. Took Elizabeth to Gina's. Went for my doctor's appointment. I love the office because you don't have to wait forever and two years to be seen. Did the whole height/weight/blood pressure check and the usual questions: Do you smoke? :$ And when was your last cycle? Which cracks me up everytime because when I tell them September 2002, they almost fall over themselves...lol. Looks like they'd notate the chart or something. Anyways... since my last appointment in April I have lost another nine pounds.. ;D (I'm so proud of this fact!) and my blood pressure has dropped considerably. (Another really good thing.) The nurse is all sweet and encouraging but cautions me to not starve myself...lol. Leaves me alone and the doctor comes in about 20 minutes later. Does a half assed job of listening to me and then tells me that it's too early to do my HBA1C test... that I will need to come back in two weeks for that. Which pissed me off in no uncertain terms. Because for the labs you have to fast... I'm supposed to eat at around the same time every day for every meal and the appointments are scheduled early in the morning so that I don't go too long past breakfast before I eat. And this is the SECOND time that she has scheduled me for bloodwork and then when I got there told me they weren't going to do it that day. So I said something to her about it. To the effect that she's the one who told me to come back in six weeks and I was following her instructions and I don't have a money tree in my backyard and can not afford to visit her every 4 weeks. She then looks at my chart and decides they need to check my triglyceride levels because they were so high when they checked them in March and she says "we can do this today and the A1C in June" and I told her... "no we either do it all today or we do it all in June and I"m only paying for one appointment. This is your mistake, not mine." We did all the lab work on Friday. She pisses me off because she's so flaky acting.

Did the lab work. Paid, made a new appointment for the end of August (finally 12 weeks between appointments) and then went and had lunch with Chris and Nestor. Came home, talked to my mama, my sister and Sharon and then took a nap. When Nick got home, I took him to Gina's and she cut my hair for me. Not a lot, just trimmed off the ends. And she insisted on doing my makeup since Chris and I were having date night. I have decided that my idea of makeup and her idea are two totally seperate ideas. I, at best, put on mascara and eyeliner and maybe lipstick... on occasion. She made up my face and I swear, I felt like Tammie Faye Bakker. I'm not kidding. I was so uncomfortable that when we got to the restaurant I ended up going to the bathroom and washing my face. FOUR TIMES Because the stuff she uses is like paint and it didn't want to come off. Chris got worried because he thought I had gone to the bathroom and gotten sick and that's why I had washed my face but really I did it because I felt like feeling like me again...lol.

We ended up going to the beach for dinner and it rained the entire time we were gone. The rain stopped for about thirty minutes and we walked out on the pier at Kure Beach and watched the ocean and a few brave souls fishing on the pier. There was absolutely no vacancies at any of the hotels down there. I'm guessing a lot of it had to do with high school graduation because there were a lot of young people out and about. A lot of soldiers too. Chris pointed that out to me when we were walking on the pier and he threatened to throw one of them off the side...lol. It was amusing at the time. Drove home and got home about 2 am. Had a really really good time. Just driving and talking and talking some more. Took the long way home (all ways are technically long...lol) and other than the rain, it was really cool.

More in a few minutes. I have to make sure my children are in bed.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

*sigh*

Everyone has days that go from bad to worse... but lately I seem to be the ruler of them. :'(

This is what has ruined my day for today: a summons to federal court. :-/ I won't get into the hows or whys but I am pissed and I have a good reason to be.

Picked Nick up from school and he talked all the way to BK and all the way home. At one point, he asked me if he should be quiet and I was laughing so hard that I couldn't tell him yes. He talked and talked and talked some more. He's outside now expending some energy before it gets dark or the rain starts. Lord, I wish the rain would start. Everything is so dry and dusty and we could definitely use it.

I'm stressing now and I really shouldn't be. There's enough going on without me borrowing trouble but it's difficult to not stress. I think I'll just enjoy the next few days and deal with Monday when it comes.

Il Sebastian, il mio amore, che lei ha fatto? :'(

what's the use?

Of having a "night off" if people won't stop calling??????? So last night, Chris gets home, loads up the trash and takes the kids with him to Elizabethtown. I go to the bank... and then to Wal-Mart. I'm walking around Wal-Mart when my phone starts ringing. So I answer it. Mental note to self: Turn the damn thing off next time. And it's Chris. Wanting to know what I'm doing... 8-| I tell him and we talk for a minute and then his phone drops signal so I go about my business. Five minutes later the phone is ringing again. And it's Chris. Wanting to know if I want to meet them in Etown to go to dinner. I look at my watch. It's already 6 pm. I was thinking about finishing my shopping, stopping at Wendy's or somewhere and getting a salad and going home. But like an idiot, I let him talk me into driving to Etown and going to supper with them. We don't eat until almost 9. We get ready to leave the restaurant and he asks me if I'll talk Elizabeth with me so he can take Nick for ice cream. :-/ (I think he just didn't want to have to listen to Elizabeth chatter on the way home...lol) So Elizabeth and I left and came back towards the house and ended up stopping at the grocery store because I had to get stuff to make Nick for lunch for today. They had a field trip and he wanted me to pack his lunch instead of the school doing it. Apparently my lunches are better...lol.

I kid you not, I'm on my way to the house from the grocery store when Chris calls again. We got home and you weren't here yet so I was worried. The man has issues...lol... either that or he just cares an awful lot. :p I think he has issues. I didn't scream at him even though I was tempted. I think I'm going to start utilizing the off button on my phone....lol.

Shawn and Ashley are bumping up the date of their wedding from September to June. Shawn told Chris last night the reason they are doing this is because she's pregnant.... let's review: Last week, Shawn told everyone including Ashley that while he loves her he's not ready to get married just yet and he wanted to postpone the wedding. This week, Ashley is suddenly pregnant and instead of postponing the wedding, they are moving it up. I'm laying my odds on her not actually being pregnant. She's a conniving little witch in my not so humble opinion and I'm almost willing to bet that she's faking it because she thinks if he postpones the wedding, he'll never marry her. I seriously hope for his sake that there is a baby and she's not lying to him but I really doubt it. When Chris told me she was pregnant, I said: "How far along is she? A minute?" I guess you actually have to know them both to understand why I think she's lying. And I really hope for Shawn's sake that she isn't lying because he's the sweetest man anyone could ever meet and he doesn't deserve to be fucked over. I guess time will tell. Suffice it to say that I won't be surprised if she suddenly realizes after the wedding that she was mistaken... :-/

I have to pick up Nick at 3:45 today. They went to Raleigh on a field trip. He was so excited about it too. And tomorrow is field day and then he's going to Aunt Gina's. According to him, it's turned into a good week...lol. Which he will think is even better when I tell him I'm taking them out to eat tonight. Chris has to go help Shawn with some stuff (translated: Shawn needs to talk so the wives/s.o's think they are doing something manly when in reality they are probably going to go fishing and split a 6 pack... lol) so he's not going to be home until late. And I have to do some packing and stuff for tomorrow for the kids... and for us so we can go to the beach tomorrow evening. And I want to try to go to bed early because I have to be up early to take Elizabeth to Gina's so I can be on time for my doctor's appointment which I am half dreading in a way. *sigh*

It'll all be ok.

On that note, I'm off of here to finish the laundry.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

not enough/too much

This will probably take forever to write because Elizabeth is helping me type...lol. I keep telling her which keys to press because she wants to "help me" as she so sweetly puts it. Disregard any spelling errors or unnecessary letters...lmao.

I slept until almost 12:30 today because I didn't go to bed until almost 5... I couldn't sleep, ended up talking to Christian half the night. And then when I did fall asleep the alarm went off, so I got up and tested, got Nick off to school and went back to bed. Elizabeth slept with me for awhile and then she put a movie on to watch in my room. I started to get up but she climbed back on the bed and sat with me so I dozed and she watched the movie. And then the phone started ringing off the hook. I'm still not sure who all called because I finally got irritated and unplugged it...lol. Chris called me at 1 for a few minutes... I was up and moving by then. He's so funny.

Wiating on Nick to get home. So we can go run our bazillion errands for the day. Somedays I don't like Wednesdays...lol. I get to have the night to myself... and then tomorrow will be busy because of the field trip. It should be fun though. And then Friday will be good because after my appointment I have several hours to myself and then after Chris gets off work we are going to the beach. *does happy dance*

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

rambling

Had a long day but it was a good one. Have a doctor's appointment coming up on Friday. :-/ Not real happy about that but it'll be ok. I'm hoping that she's encouraging instead of being the bitch mean person she's been being. I know that everything isn't going to be exactly as she wants it but I also know that I'm losing weight, doing a helluva lot more moving, and my numbers are better and better every week. And I've only been diagnosed since the middle of February, on meds since the middle of March. I think if she's snotty I'm going to give her a piece of what is left of my mind and be done with it. I know I am doing good... and the numbers will start to reflect that if she gives them enough time. Rome wasn't built in a day ya know...

Chris just got home (after 9)...lol... He went fishing after work because he had a stressful day and the weather was so nice. Since it's supposed to be kind of nasty out the rest of the week, I told him I didn't mind. And really it was a peaceful night overall. The kids weren't too much trouble and tomorrow night, he's taking them with him after work and I get the night to myself. *yay* I probably should tone down my joy... ;D

Managed to get a lot done despite the fact that I spent a combined four hours on the phone with my sister...lol. I don't know how we find so much to talk about but we do. Every day that she is off work, the days she gets off at 4, the days that she doesn't go in until 4...lmao. We talk about anything and everything which is really good. She's grown up a lot in the past few years and I feel comfortable actually telling her stuff. She's keeping the kids this weekend... ;D (oops, there's that joy again...lol) Elizabeth is going over on Friday morning while I have my doctor's appointment and I am taking Nick over after he gets out of school on Friday and then Chris and I are beach bound... :D (How's that for toning down the joy? ;))

I just realized I still have laundry going... at this late hour. I should probably attempt to finish it up and then go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Monday, May 16, 2005

la la la la la la ... etc. etc...

Well... I shouldn't complain....lol. Instead of watching Lilo & Stitch today, we are viewing Snow Dogs. Personally I'd rather the tv not be on but I don't run this house...lol. ;)

Chris called me a few minutes ago and said that he had seen Chris Goude on a job a little while earlier. Chris Goude was the first guy I ever seriously dated. And my Chris hates that Chris... well he hates everybody I once dated. I wonder why. *blinks* ;D So that's what he called for this morning. "I just wanted to tell you that I saw Chris Goude a little while ago." Was I supposed to care? :-/ Actually, he mentioned it because a couple of Fridays ago, I was at McDonald's in the drive thru when I saw the manager standing at the window with the cashier. And I thought... he looks familiar. I ended up having to go in because they left half of our order out of the bag and it was the same guy who came to see what the problem was and I almost fell out... It was Frankie and when I told Chris about it later, he was all kinds of furious. Long story but suffice it to say, that if Chris had seen him, I'd have been bailing him out of jail. I am now no longer allowed to go to that McDonald's by myself. :p I think he was joking about that by the way. I think.....

Spent Saturday with Chris and Elizabeth in Etown. Nick went to Jimmy's and ended up getting sunburnt. :-/ Sunday, Nick went back to Jimmy's and we went to Bladen County with my parents to look at the property. We've already figured out where we are going to put the house. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. We probably won't be able to do anything with it until next year but it's still exciting.

I've got a ton of stuff to do today so I'm going away now.

Friday, May 13, 2005

uh oh

I made a huge mistake...lol. I was online when Chris got home and I left the computer to make him dinner. And when I came back, I had gotten an outbid notice on something i was bidding for on ebay. And I made the mistake of letting him on my computer to look at tools and hunting stuff on ebay and he stayed online looking for 2 hours.... :-/ I might should be worried.

Got everything accomplished today that I set out to do with the exception of mopping the kitchen floor. That's the one thing I hate more than anything in the world. Except maybe laundry which is a never ending battle in this house. But yeah, I got everything done that I intended to do and the kids are watching a movie and Chris has gone to sleep because he's got a busy weekend ahead of him... and I am playing on the computer...

I think there was something else I was going to write about, but I've already forgotten...lol. So off I go to annoy Christian ;D

inane ramblings again

It has been one of those afternoons. I've managed to get quite a bit done but it seems like every time I get a good start, the phone rings. (And people wonder why I just stay online so they can't call) Or Elizabeth gets into something. And I have to stop and take care of whatever is going on and then try to restart. For someone who is lacking motivation right now, this is not a good thing.

Took Nick and Elizabeth to the grocery store to pick out dinner. I offered fast food or a trip to the grocery store and they chose the grocery store...lol. My children are a bit crazy. But it worked out well because I got a couple of things I had forgotten yesterday.

Is it rude to ask someone what kind of cologne they are wearing if they smell super good and you really want to know? There was a man in front of us at the store... and no I didn't ask but I thought about it. Figured he'd think I was a lunatic...lol. I'll be in the store before long sniffing colognes to see if I can find it so I can buy some for Chris.

There is a father's day party the Saturday before Father's Day at Jimmy's... everyone is going to be there which means that I really don't want to go. I go through this every year. I hate getting together with his family because two of his three sisters could be classified with one word: bitch :-/ But every year I promise to go and if I can ignore them long enough to give Daddy his present I usually have a pretty good time. There's the whole problem with food this year. Jimmy's wife believes in cooking from scratch and it's Southern cooking which means that it's really really good but oh so bad for you...lol. I'll figure it out and I'll go and put on my nice face and attempt to not throw some horrid cow in the pool... oops... nice face Marie. ;D

Chris just got home and I cooked for him because I'm sweet like that and he's had a long day. Was supposed to get off work at 12 but ended up working until 7... he's talking about a salvage place (?) I think but I'm not real sure because I'm half ignoring him.

Going to make a salad for myself here shortly and wait for Le Trinity to call me...lol. Christian called earlier as did Jenny which makes me wonder exactly what Dana told everybody. For the record, I'm fine... lol... She just freaked out a little bit. :$

Going away now. Might post a picture entry later if I can find the digi cam to upload the ones I took.

a no strings attached gift?

Tuesday night my mother called and asked me if we could come over that evening because she and my father had something they wished to discuss with us. I told her ok, forgetting that Chris had to work late. :-/ Called him, he came home. We went over. Gina and Shawn were also invited.

The conversation starts out with them informing of us their future funeral plans. Where they are to be buried and what funeral home shall be taking care of their arrangements...etc etc. The fact that the funeral is already paid for and the markers purchased... Needless to say I was a bit... um.... speechless. Because them dying is not something I spend a lot of time thinking about. There are days I figure they will out live all of us just for spite. :P Having the information is useful though and Gina cracked me up when she looked at them and said: Are the two of you planning on dying at the same time... and at some point in the immediate future? They were like no that's not why we went ahead and did this... the stuff going on with both of their mothers really brought home the point that arrangements should be taken care of in advance and that we should know about it. So now we do.

They then went on to inform us that the property of my grandmother (my mom's mom) which was supposed to be given to her grandchildren upon her death, has been basically stolen from all of the grandkids (there are 7 of us) by our uncle... Isn't that lovely? That's not a big issue for me and Gina at least because we never wanted anything to do with it at all. Too much headache and drama exists with that side of the family.

And then they told us that they have purchased a 17 acre tract in Bladen County. And that they are giving part of it to Chris and me, another part to Gina and Shawn, and they are keeping part of it for themselves. GIVING it to us... no strings attached. Ours, to do with as we please. They are hoping that we will all choose to move out there... and raise our children out there. I am not quite sure why they did this. But they made it clear: It's a gift. Not a loan, not a purchase from them but a gift. And we can build a house out there or choose not to and just hold the land in trust for our children. They don't do stuff like this. Their "gifts" usually have a couple of visible strings and a few dozen invisible ones. But not this time. They told us they would deed the land over to us and it would be ours and what we choose to do with it afterwards is entirely up to us. :-o

To say that I am still in shock is an understatement. Chris was in shock. Gina and Shawn were in shock. This isn't like them at all. :-/ I still have hesitation about the whole thing... probably because it's not typical of something they'd do. But they did it. We own land now in Bladen County which is where Chris was wanting to move to anyways... and we can build our house. And I don't know what else to say.

the last few days

I haven't been writing much because I haven't really felt like it. There's been a lot going on and it's just.... overwhelming would be a good word I suppose.

Nick's had end of grade testing all this week and he thinks he did pretty good on it.

Chris has been working late every night, going in early every morning. They are at the end of a job and trying like hell to get it finished. He's supposed to be off early today though which is a good thing.

Elizabeth has been sick. She's got a cold. It seems like she's forever got a cold. :-/

Wednesday night Chris took the kids with him to Elizabethtown and I got to spend the evening by myself. That was unusual but I wasn't complaining. Went and ran some errands, saw Janet, went and got something to eat. Stopped by the library and then came home and spent a few blissful hours listening to the sounds of quiet...

Yesterday, took Elizabeth shopping with me. Had a pretty good time. Made dinner after Nick got home and then played catch with him until after Chris got home. It was a quiet evening. Tried to go to bed early but Chris wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to get to sleep...lol.

Got up this morning and Nick was already gone. He was waiting for his bus so I blew him a kiss and shooed Chris out the door. Elizabeth decided to get up and then decided to take a nap on the couch... She wasn't ready to be awake yet but didn't want to be in her room by herself any longer. At least the tv isn't blaring this morning. I swear that thing never goes off anymore. They don't really watch it either. It's just on... 8-|

I have a lot I need to get done today but don't know how much of it I will accomplish. Got some good news pending but am afraid to write about it yet because I don't want to jinx myself... Or rather us.

Monday, May 9, 2005

sometimes he's so dumb he makes me laugh

Chris was giving Elizabeth a bath for me on Sunday. He rarely does this because usually she's already had one or more by the time he gets home in the evenings... But on Sunday, she wasn't feeling good and since it was mother's day, I was *supposed* to have the day off...lol. He puts her in the bathtub and after a little while, she calls me in there. And she's ready to get out. He was sitting on the side of the tub and I casually asked if he had washed her hair... He gets the deer in the headlights look and said: "I'm scared to wash her hair. She was so good for the bath that I didn't want to upset her."... I was cracking up. She used to hate having her hair washed, the water running over her head would send her into screaming fits, but she's gotten over that and now she enjoys it. She picked up the shampoo bottle and said: "Wash my hair daddy"... and he looked like someone had just asked him to cut off his arm... :-/ I offered to do it and he said no I'll do it so I started to walk out of the bathroom when he goes: "Can you stay in here... just in case....?"

I know it was a "you had to be there" kind of moment but it struck me funny. Big bad man afraid of washing his daughter's hair because she might scream... :p

Saturday, May 7, 2005

i can't think

I can't think too clearly right now and I realized this when I started reading diary entries and had to read them again and then again and when I went to comment, couldn't remember what I had just read. :-/

I came online with the intent of leaving feedback for two ebay purchases I had bought... and before doing that I checked my email. Had an email entitled "Classmate Death" and I opened it to read it and now I can't... I'm just simply sitting here.

LeAnn died a couple of days ago. Funeral was Friday. I got the email yesterday but didn't come online until today and I don't pay attention to the news or the newspaper and I've been avoiding phone calls from everyone but Chris and Dana because I'm barely floating above the water that threatens to drown me and just existing from day to day has become all time consuming with everything that is going on and this hit me like a ton of bricks..............

No word on how she passed, just that she did and I can not believe that I've been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn't know something was wrong and didn't know she had died until after the fact. I have major guilt... *sigh*

The funny thing is, in high school, we hated each other with a passion. For some reason, something about our personalities clashed from the moment we met and we simply despised one another. We didn't hang out with the same people, didn't date the same people, avoided being in the same hallway as one another. It wasn't until after high school that we realized we had more in common than we thought and could speak to each other civilly. And for some reason, it was after high school that we seemed to always be in the same places, thrown into the same social situations, forced to acknowledge one another and behave like adults. And we discovered there wasn't any good reason to not like each other.

So hearing that she died, has thrown me for a loop... She wasn't someone I'd consider among the best of my friends, but she was a friend. And she was only 28. Just a few months older than me. And if someone had told me ten years ago I'd ever utter this next phrase, I'd have told them they were crazy: I'm going to miss her. :'(

Friday, May 6, 2005

........


Chris is home from work early today because he's sick. :'( He wasn't feeling good last night but he went this morning anyways and then he called me and told me he was going to come home. We had lunch and they (Chris & Elizabeth) are watching The Incredibles. Personally, I don't see the fascination with that movie but they've watched it a combined 20 times since we got it. 8-|

Stressing over a few different things. I need to lighten up...

Got a lot going on today, just trying to keep up. *sigh*

I'll be glad when Nick gets home. We got into an arguement this morning and I'm feeling bad about it.

Oh and at lunch today, I was telling Elizabeth to eat and not pay so much attention to the tv that Chris had playing... and she was ignoring me... so I said her name again: Elizabeth... eat your lunch! And she looked at me and then at her daddy and back at me and said: "Don't get attitude with me." :-/ It was hilarious, a "you had to be there" kind of moment, I guess. :p

Thursday, May 5, 2005

what do you do....

....when everything that once made you deliriously happy now only makes you angry? Or when everything you once did to find peace, makes things more turbulent? How do you know when enough is enough? How do you step back and realize that you helped create a problem by doing too much/being too much/letting people depend on you too much? How do you fix it?

I don't really expect that anyone is going to answer these questions...lol... just me thinking out loud. I'm thinking about going on strike for a few days.... see how that gets handled. It'd probably create more problems than it solved though. :-/

*sigh* Is it bedtime yet?

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

worried


Seems like there is always something to stress over. :-/ No one can or will give me straight answers about children and blood sugar numbers. The pediatrician told me "I was worrying over nothing". I told her I'd be looking for a pediatrician that actually cared about her patients and took the concerns of the mother seriously. Stupid bitch. I was/still am livid.

Yesterday morning, Elizabeth came to give me a hug like she does every morning when she gets up and when she went to kiss me, she smelled like she'd been drinking nail polish remover. This isn't the first time I've noticed it; it's not like that every day but on occasion when she gets up, I've noticed the "acetone" smell on her breath. Yesterday was the first time it clicked in my head to test her sugar. It was 45. Which is low. Way low by my doctor's standards... low as in eat immediately and something with sugar in it. Low as in you will be passed out on the floor in a few minutes if you don't eat. So I fed her cereal and juice and tested her again a little while later and it was 90. Tested her after lunch and it was 116. Those are normal numbers. Tested her after lunch today and it was only 72. (1 to 2 hours after lunch should be between 100 and 140) I'm worried. She seems to be running on the low side and everyone acts like I'm just being overconcerned. Having low blood sugar is just as bad as having high blood sugar and all of the websites only tell what fasting numbers and numbers after meals should be for an adult. The pediatrician couldn't be bothered to tell me if children's numbers should be the same or if they are different or what. So I am extremely frustrated.

She picks at her food... she's at that stage where everything is yucky and she doesn't really eat a lot at meal times. Which could be part of the problem... but still... as a mother, I'm worried and I'm pissed off that the doctor couldn't be bothered to alleviate my concerns, just dismissed them like it was nothing. *sigh*

I'm not trying to borrow trouble... I don't want there to be a single thing wrong with her... I just want answers.


Sunday, May 1, 2005

anger issues

I haven't been writing. What a way to state the obvious...lol There's been so much going on, and so much going on in my head that I haven't had the time nor the desire to sit down and write. I've kept busy cleaning instead; I now have what is probably the cleanest house in North Carolina. At least one of the cleanest...lol. Chris told me he was worried that I was going to start disinfecting him when he comes home from work. :-/ Methinks it may be time to put down the cleaning supplies and do something else.

The one advantage to cleaning is that everything is all nice and neat and pretty and in its place... even it doesn't stay that way long. The disadvantage is that unless I blare the stereo at decibels loud enough to wake the dead, I can still "hear" myself thinking. Thinking over the past few days has not been a good thing. And I mean that really has not been a good thing.

I'm sure Chris would like the normal Marie to return because at least then he gets normal conversation. I don't think he quite knows what to do with me when I'm all giggly one minute and crying my eyes out the next. He asked me today: What do you want me to do? We were having a conversation about his lack of listening when I have something important (at least to me) to say and how he can ignore me when I ask him to do something around the house but he jumps to help everyone else... and I guess I got loud as I tend to do because I discovered that the whole "speaking softly" thing doesn't work well in my house and he wanted to know what I wanted him to do and what I wanted him to say... At which point I completely lost it and told him to not say a word because he can't keep promises for more than five minutes and frankly I was sick of hearing the same things over and over again... and that furthermore I was tired of repeating myself every day about every little thing and should probably just invest in a tape recorder so I could save my voice for more important things other than stuff like: "Please clean your room, get down from (fill in the blank), where are you going and what time do you think you'll be back...etc etc...ad nauseum"

And it's not so much that I want him to say or do anything much differently... I just want him to put himself in my shoes for a minute and realize that if he spent ALL of his time with children, if I spent all of my time doing "other stuff" and none at home and he didn't have five minutes where he could go to the bathroom in private, he'd be a little irritated too. I want him to keep promises that he makes particularly when it has to do with stuff like being home for dinner or keeping the kids for a little while so I can run errands by myself and not have to worry about keeping them out of stuff in the store while I'm trying to do things like grocery shopping. Fix things when I ask (or soon thereafter) and not months later after I've already screwed it up more by attempting to fix it myself rather than ask him again (usually for the ninety ninth time).... and for the love all things holy, my life would be much less complicated if he could just practice the word "NO" with other people. Like today, he goes to Etown to put the service on Shane's house... I didn't have a problem with that. He said he'd be home in a couple of hours and that was fine too... When he showed up SEVEN hours later he couldn't understand why I was irritated. And after he explained why he was so late, he couldn't understand why I was even more irritated. Shane asked him to do a couple of other things and then Mr. Billy had him & Shane help him fix a piece of farm equipment and then he followed Shane to take the truck to the shop and brought Shane back...) Maybe if my day hadn't of turned into the day from hell, I would have cared less. But at 12:00 when I talked to him, I told him it was the day from hell and that I wanted to spend the afternoon fishing and he said that he'd be home shortly... so yeah, when he shows up at 7 I was pissed. Even more so when I realized that he could have told them he had other stuff to do but just didn't and then even more pissed than that when he hadn't stopped to get the one thing I had asked him to get from the store so I could finish making dinner. And yes, I'm sure I overreacted... almost positive... but I hold stuff in and let it build and build and build and then I just snap. Today was that day... it goes along with my past couple of weeks... one thing after another and I just have had enough.


GIST - The Sunday Edition # 175

It's been awhile since I have done one of these although my offline gratitude practice remains on point. In no particular order, here ar...