Saturday, May 7, 2005

i can't think

I can't think too clearly right now and I realized this when I started reading diary entries and had to read them again and then again and when I went to comment, couldn't remember what I had just read. :-/

I came online with the intent of leaving feedback for two ebay purchases I had bought... and before doing that I checked my email. Had an email entitled "Classmate Death" and I opened it to read it and now I can't... I'm just simply sitting here.

LeAnn died a couple of days ago. Funeral was Friday. I got the email yesterday but didn't come online until today and I don't pay attention to the news or the newspaper and I've been avoiding phone calls from everyone but Chris and Dana because I'm barely floating above the water that threatens to drown me and just existing from day to day has become all time consuming with everything that is going on and this hit me like a ton of bricks..............

No word on how she passed, just that she did and I can not believe that I've been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn't know something was wrong and didn't know she had died until after the fact. I have major guilt... *sigh*

The funny thing is, in high school, we hated each other with a passion. For some reason, something about our personalities clashed from the moment we met and we simply despised one another. We didn't hang out with the same people, didn't date the same people, avoided being in the same hallway as one another. It wasn't until after high school that we realized we had more in common than we thought and could speak to each other civilly. And for some reason, it was after high school that we seemed to always be in the same places, thrown into the same social situations, forced to acknowledge one another and behave like adults. And we discovered there wasn't any good reason to not like each other.

So hearing that she died, has thrown me for a loop... She wasn't someone I'd consider among the best of my friends, but she was a friend. And she was only 28. Just a few months older than me. And if someone had told me ten years ago I'd ever utter this next phrase, I'd have told them they were crazy: I'm going to miss her. :'(

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 175

It's been awhile since I have done one of these although my offline gratitude practice remains on point. In no particular order, here ar...