There are moments in my day when I look around and wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't chosen this path.
The path that led to children, back-talking teenagers, attitude from both the 14 and 6 year old, endless amounts of homework, constant laundry, load after load of dishes, vacuuming, the endless smell of bleach when I get stressed and feel the need to clean something with a toothbrush, the trips to the park, McDonald's, endless chatter about everything, about nothing, "mama, can i please have a balloon?", the constant "what's for supper?", "can i have a snack?", "you are so meeeeeeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn!" [drawn out only the way a 6 year old child can draw out every individual letter into its own syllable]
The path that led to warm snuggles, sweet, sticky kisses, "mama, i love you" [on occasion, even said by the 14 year old], the giggles, the excuse to teach someone small about life and love and sharing, spanish and math, proper grammar, the need for teeth to be brushed, good-night stories, shared stuffies and the unending love that comes with it all.
I look around and see all that I have failed to do, all that needs to be tackled, the never-ending work that needs to be put in. I see the bad but oh, how I see the good too. And it all balances out in the end, doesn't it?
What would I be without them? I'm sure I'd be something.... I'm sure my life would have been totally different and I'm sure that I would have been marginally happy but it wouldn't have been like this.
At one time, I couldn't manage doing this at all. Now, I can't imagine not doing it.