Sunday, July 4, 2010

let them fall

I quit. Just absolutely give up on trying to be anything I'm not; anyone other than myself. I quit attempting to paste a smile on my face when I don't feel well, when I'm having a incredibly crappy week. I quit faking cheerfulness. I quit biting my tongue when what I really want to do is give someone a piece of my mind. I quit holding it back and in. 

I am done listening to other people tell me how wrong I am for feeling anything I feel. You aren't me. You have no idea what it's like to be me. I don't want calm rationality or exaggerated patience. I want an ear for 3.2 minutes. A non judgmental listener.

I have good days. I have bad days. I have days where I want to find the nearest cliff and hurl myself from it. But guess what? In the 37 years I have been here, I have yet to hurl myself from a cliff and I don't intend to start anytime soon. I like life too much to remove myself from it prematurely.

The last time I checked I was a highly intelligent woman. Highly intelligent woman. I am capable of making decisions and I am capable of speaking to other people about the decisions I am contemplating if I choose to do so. I don't need to have my hand held all the time; sometimes, I simply want it held. If I ask for advice, I have the right to not follow it. If I want to spend my last dime on a one way train ticket to Washington DC and never return, then I have the right to do that too. If I want to spend it on 49 million packages of bubble gum.... well, that's my prerogative. 

I am done hearing how I am wasting my time, my life. It's my time and I don't think it's being wasted. I'm sorry if you think that it is and it's your right to think whatever you want just as it's my right to ignore the hell out of you when you start blathering on about how I'm being stupid and wasting my time and blah blah blah. 

I am done expending energy worrying about what you or you or you or the man in the moon may think.  Just completely and totally done.

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 175

It's been awhile since I have done one of these although my offline gratitude practice remains on point. In no particular order, here ar...