Sunday, July 31, 2011

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 9

Things I am grateful for today

1. clearing up a misunderstanding with a friend

2. wishing my sister a happy birthday on facebook and having her respond (we typically don't talk)

3. a relatively easy evening tonight at work.

4. being mostly healthy

5. random phone calls just to check in to make sure I'm doing ok.

In an omg sort of turn of events...

Cindy just came in to put out the bills and told me that Paul (my favorite night auditor ever) had a stroke on Saturday morning and they had to call an ambulance to come get him from next door.

I am in a bit of shock. This wasn't even on the scope of things I ever anticipated hearing today.

End of the month

It's difficult for me to comprehend that today is the last day of July. The year is more than half over and I feel like I've gotten nothing substantial accomplished. Perhaps, I should count surviving it so far in the plus column.

Today is my older sister's birthday. I don't talk to her. I haven't seen her since Grandma passed away several years ago. Awhile back she found me on Facebook and sent me a friend request so I accepted it. Partly because I wanted to see pictures of my niece and nephew and partly because I missed her. We don't talk much on Facebook (I'm fairly quiet there) but today I signed in with the express purpose of just saying happy birthday to her. So I did. And that is that.

I haven't been feeling well today. Mostly because of a squabble with a friend over feelings and the lack of acknowledgement of said feelings but we worked things out to a point. We had a conversation and came to a few generalized agreements and while it's not the outcome I was hoping for, it is one I can deal with like a reasonable person.

Nick took a class online over the summer so he can officially skip a grade and be a senior when school starts. There are eight days left of the class and he'll have a couple of weeks to hang out before school starts back for the year.

Beth has a minor surgery scheduled for Tuesday which requires sedation. I'm not looking forward to this. I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday of this week so that a good thing. Just a couple of nights to get through before I have 2 more days off.

I'm going to stop rambling and go finish up my work so I can go home in just over half an hour.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

GIST - Day 56

Things I am grateful for today

1. Chris went with me grocery shopping.

2. I had today off and he spent the day with me.

3. I finally made that chocolate cake.

4. I cooked and oh my goddness... it was so good.

5. unlimited weekend minutes.

Friday, July 29, 2011

GIST - Day 55

Things I am grateful for today

1. I got my paycheck last night so all I had to do was take it to the bank this morning instead of waiting for her to put them up front to pick up.

2. I had to opportunity to take a really good nap.

3. Dylan came over & then Nick went to spend the night with him at his house.

4. I have such a wonderful, lovely daughter.

5. the kitten

Thursday, July 28, 2011

GIST - Day 54

Things I am grateful for today

1. Beth didn't need eye glasses at the eye doctor today.

2. Nick's vision has finally stabilized after getting worse every year for the past 10 years.

3. Weiner Works for lunch. (Their fry delights are the best.thing.ever.)

4. Chris taking Nick to get his glasses tonight so I don't have to do it tomorrow.

5. I'm grateful for remembering to be grateful.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

GIST - Day 53

Things I am grateful for today

1. dental insurance

2. that Beth's appointment didn't take very long because I was cranky

3. having time to do a favor for a friend

4. having a pretty good night at work so far

5. knowing how to communicate.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

GIST - Day 52

Things I am grateful for today

1. sunshine

2. the kitten

3. good friends

4. funny moments with my daughter

5. good books

Monday, July 25, 2011

GIST - Day 51

Things I am grateful for today

1. having a job (even if it feels like I'll never have a day off.)

2. that it has been slow this evening because I am tired.

3. smiles from random strangers

4. the 100 word project

5. coffee

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sometimes, it's just not worth it

Lately, it seems as if there's more to do than there is time to do it. Part of it is probably the schedule I am keeping with work. 6 day work weeks are not conducive to having either a social life or the ability to run errands. Add to this doctor appointments for me, eye exams and dental appointments for the kids and you have a jam packed schedule that keeps in the truck for multiple hours a day and then behind the front desk at work for 8 and I have to throw eating, sleeping and showering in there somewhere. That leaves little time for writing, reading, drawing, crafting, anything that might be remotely considered therapeutic or relaxing.

I am am frequently finding myself taking really deep breaths in an effort to not panic. I'm not usually prone to anxiety but with the uncertainty of everything that is going on  in my life, lately I find it's almost a constant companion.

I feel like the world is rushing by and I'm so busy.busy.busy that I can't find the time to enjoy a single minute of it. I'm not sleeping well (hello! 3 hours a night!) and not eating properly and while I remember to take my meds, I'm frequently forgetting to take them on time.... to the point that I have actually set alarms to help jar my memory. I'm all for whatever works and so far, this is working out okay.

My nerves are very unsteady and while the endocrinologist keeps assuring me that as the meds take effect, this will get better and I will scarcely notice it; at the moment, I am hyper aware of the situation and frankly, it frightens me. As does the mental confusion and the not being able to make the words I want come out of my mouth or onto the screen while I'm typing. (Thank goodness for delete keys.) At work the other night when I couldn't remember the total of a set of numbers with tax, I went into the back room after the guest departed the desk and I cried because I've always been able to remember numbers and now they are gone. Add to this I have very little faith in my current endocrinologist (and the only reason I continue to go is because this office is the only endocrinology in the area... otherwise it's a 2 hour drive for an appointment & I can't do that right now) and you have the perfect storm of "Holy hell... I'm so freaking lost.)

I'm afraid and there is nobody with whom to share the fear because Chris has his head stuck in the sand about the whole thing... not because he doesn't care but because I think he's a tiny bit afraid himself and if he doesn't acknowledge it then maybe it won't be so bad... I'm guessing here because really it's to the point now that I see him for approximately 30 minutes a day. A few minutes in the morning while he's getting ready for work and the few minutes in the evening after I get home from work before he goes to bed. Have I mentioned how he waits up for me so we can have those few minutes and how happy that makes me? He does and it does and I tell him so frequently. That's something that he needs to know. I love getting home and he comes out to help me with my stuff and hugs me tight and I feel safe and happy.

I'm rambling away at the moment and in unusual fashion will make zero apologies for it. I think this is exactly what I needed to do at this moment.

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 8

Things I am grateful for today

1. hand held video games (I've spent an inordinate amount of time playing Yahtzee in the past couple of days.)

2. a slow night at work

3. being able to get a really good nap after getting up at 4 am today.

4. the flowers are blooming outside the door.

5. having a sense of humor.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

GIST - Day 49

Things I am grateful for today

1. Chris & I had breakfast again this morning.

2. the ability to know when someone just needs to be left alone (it's been difficult but so far I've managed to do it.)

3. seeing a light beyond something that has been overwhelming me.

4. barbecue or barbeque (did you know spell check recognizes both spellings as correct? I didn't until just now.)

5. being able to laugh at myself.

Friday, July 22, 2011

GIST - Day 48

Things I am grateful for today

1. air conditioning (have I mentioned it's hot?)

2. recipes (gives me new things to try)

3. getting a package mailed out finally

4. being loved by my baby

5. smiling strangers

Thursday, July 21, 2011

GIST - Day 47

Things I am grateful for today

1. the ability to reason

2. text messaging

3. quick storms that cool things off

4. cooking before I come to work.

5. a full house at the hotel

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

GIST - Day 46

Things I am grateful for today

1. a day off (my only one this week since Jessica is on vacation and Mary has to have surgery on Monday which was my other scheduled day off.)

2. the ability to sleep (I got up early and then took a nap and oh my goodness, I must have really needed that nap.)

3. Wednesday night is church night for Beth.

4. Dylan came over to play video games with Nicholas today.

5. We did burgers for supper. (I don't know why I'm such a burger kick here lately.)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

GIST - Day 45

Things I am grateful for today

1. A job

2. Coffee

3. the new kitten

4. my children

5. air conditioning (it's been 100+ degrees every day.)

Monday, July 18, 2011

GIST - Day 44

Things I am grateful for today

1. It's been busy at work tonight.

2. I had a nice day before having to come to work.

3. Chris & I made breakfast together and got a chance to sit down to a meal.

4. I am feeling halfway decently.

5. The people have been nice tonight.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 7

Things I am grateful for today

1. it wasn't as hot as it's been.

2. the kitten continuously makes me laugh

3. people have been nice this evening

4. i haven't yet made a fool of myself (or at least not much of one)

5. this night is almost over.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

GIST - Day 42

Things I am grateful for today

1. Chris helped me make breakfast and we had a chance to eat together.

2. he remembered to text me at various points during the day to let me know they were ok.

3. As did Nick before he went off to Dylan's.

4. leftovers for supper

5. cell phones.

Friday, July 15, 2011

GIST - Day 41

Things I am grateful for today

1. getting paid

2. having another day off (I may regret this next week when I'm working a 6 day week but this week it's been nice.)

3. meeting Chris for lunch.

4. having the opportunity to do Dylan's hair and not messing it up

5. yummy lasagna

Thursday, July 14, 2011

GIST - Day 40

Things I am grateful for today

1. compliments

2. a day off

3. the ability to have a lazy day in spite of myself

4. POGO... more specifically tumblebees. (I must have played for hours tonight and I enjoyed it immensely.)

5. cheeseburgers on the grill.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

GIST - Day 39

Things I am grateful for today

1. unlimited coffee

2. unlimited text messaging

3. my public library

4. good food

5. a butterfly that landed on my hand

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

GIST - Day 38

Things I am grateful for today

1. sunshine

2. a relatively easy evening at work

3. packages arriving at their intended destination

4. being loved

5. finishing a book

Monday, July 11, 2011

Work and other stuff

I am currently standing behind the front desk wondering where my other 18 guaranteed arrivals are this evening. It is getting dark outside which really means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I know that as soon as I walk away from the desk to go heat up my supper that a crowd of people will walk through the front door. That's how that works.

I had a pretty good weekend.

Saturday: Chris took Beth with him to Etown and they didn't get home until almost 3am. He & Jamie met up and went hunting and she went with them. I picked up Dylan for the afternoon and then when his mom picked him up, she took Nick home with her. I got a really good nap. I went to the grocery store and did the shopping and picked up Nick (at almost 11pm) and I met a cute little kitten. She came up on the porch and I figured she would go home if I went inside and when I came out 2 hours later, she was still sitting on the porch. We ended up letting her come in and then when Chris got home, he said if I wanted to keep her he didn't mind so for now... we have a kitten.

Sunday: I got up, went and got some cat food and the like and came back to the house. We discovered that the kitten was really very very hungry. I made roast with rice & gravy, honey glazed carrots, green beans with potatoes, candied yams, biscuits and a lemon cake for supper. I rarely get the opportunity to cook so I took advantage of it. The food was phenonmenal. I ended up not going to bed until about 1:30am.

And today: I slept in after Chris left. I got up and got ready for work and went to the store and then to the little post office to mail a package to Washington DC. It hasn't been overly busy at work tonight. I have guaranteed arrivals left but we are sold out of rooms. For tonight and tomorrow.

I have my schedule for the next two weeks and I'm happy. I'm off Thursday and Friday of this week. Dylan has already asked if I could do his hair for him and of course, I said yes.

I think I'm going to brave my chances with the sudden rush and go heat up my supper. My stomach is talking to me.

GIST - Day 37

Things I am grateful for today

1. I went back to sleep after Chris left for work.

2. my head doesn't hurt as much today as it has been hurting.

3. Likewise, my ankle is feeling much better.

4. the hotel is full.

5. People have been pleasant tonight.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 6

Things I am grateful for today

1. I cooked a lot today and the resulting food was excellent.

2. Chris didn't get mad that I let the kitten inside and said if I wanted to keep her we could so today I went and got kitten stuff.

3. Honey glazed carrots are really good even though I started not to do them because I was afraid they wouldn't be all that great.

4. I made a lemon cake and got to have a slice of it while it was still warm.

5. Beth hugs.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

GIST - Day 35

Things I am grateful for today

1. I felt good enough to go get Dylan, go grocery shopping and not bother the tarnation out of Chris while he was out with his friend.

2. I am grateful to Chris for taking Beth with him today even though I had told him it would be more than okay for her to stay with me.

3. I got to take a long extended nap.

4. I am currently being entertained by a kitten who wandered up on the porch and has taken up residence.

5. I managed to eat today.

Friday, July 8, 2011

GIST - Day 34

Things I am grateful for today

1. I never thought I'd say this but today: Internet Explorer

2. I am glad that I am off this weekend.

3. I have a family who makes me happy.

4. Chris made me peanut butter brownies this week simply because I asked.

5. They are going to go to Etown with Jamie on Saturday.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

GIST - Day 33

Things I am grateful for day

1. coffee (yes again)

2. Beth's ability to make me giggle

3. a job that I enjoy

4. common sense

5. the internet

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

GIST - Day 32

Things I am grateful for today

1. coffee

2. sunshine

3. butterflies

4. my children

5. being loved

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

GIST - Day 31

Things I am grateful for today
1. I have a job. (Related: It's a job that I really do enjoy and I'm good at it.)
2. I got to see Chris for a few minutes this evening when he stopped by the hotel to get something from me.
3. I went home last night & there was a picture from Elizabeth on my pillow. (Oh, how I love that child.)
4. Tonight has been busier than last night.
5. I am grateful to be alive. (Shouldn't we all be? Everyday?)

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th of July!

I have had a pretty good day despite it being so slow at work that I have wanted to do some screaming just to shake things up.

I intend to go home, eat a cheeseburger that Chris saved for me and go to bed. I have to work this week but I get an entire weekend off so I'm not really complaining.

The thing that sucks the most about being here tonight is that I didn't get to see any fireworks. Chris didn't take the kids to see any because they didn't really want to go. And then it stormed and now lightning is streaking across the sky so perhaps, it's a good thing they stayed put.

I am going to go do my last minute stuff so I can depart from this place when Walter shows up.

GIST - Day 30

Things I am grateful for today 

1. the ability to reason.
2. an unexpected rain shower.
3. my first tomato off of my tomato plant.
4. This evening is almost over. (It has been excruciatingly slow this evening. Of the 66 rooms, we have sold 15. I am dying from the boredom.)
5. Chris made me pasta salad to take for supper. (Sometimes, it's the little things.) 

Sunday, July 3, 2011

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 5

Things I am grateful for today

1. naps. (I had one before I went to work today and it really is helping me get through this night.)

2. Janet left me the rest of her fried rice to have for my supper.
3. An amazing conversation with a friend.

4. It was a relatively easy night.

5. a clean house when I got home.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I don't even have a witty title

I used to write because it helped me remember things. Bits and pieces of the kids' lives and funny things or irritating things that happened in a day. I used to write to get feelings out that I didn't want to contaminate my relationships by me keeping them bottled up inside. I used to write because I couldn't not write. Writing was as fundamental to me as breathing.

Somewhere along the way, I lost the urge to write online and started scribbling in my notebook. I don't know if it's because the kids are getting older and they don't like for all their amusing antedotes to be shared or because someone once told me that I pretended to have a perfect marriage (that someone was not privvy to the writing I do online or she would have never said such a thing.)

At some point, it became a chore and not something fun to do. I dreaded even getting online and I stopped reading what other people wrote because it reminded me, rather sharply, of my own lack of words in this space.

I've had this blog for a really long time. I've been writing both here and elsewhere for a really long time. I've taken breaks, some very short (think a few days) to some very long (almost a year.) I never intend to be gone that long but it happens. The real world beckons at times and I feel the need to answer it rather than hide away in front of a computer screen and tap on the keys.

But lately, even with the flowers and the garden and the job and the kids and... oh just everything, I have missed writing in a way that I haven't missed it in a really long time. I have been very wordy on twitter... not so much interaction with others (which I keep reading is the only correct way to use twitter and to that I say "whatever... the correct way is the way you use it unless you are spamming people and really... just don't.") I use it as it was originally intended... a microblogging platform. 140 characters that says "hey, i'm here and a squirrel is trying to kill me." I use it just to put a limited number of words out and I keep up with the people I follow and sometimes, it helps me to know that I'm not alone. 3am when you have insomnia can be a complete bitch.

I don't even really know why I'm writing this. Maybe just because I wanted to write. Perhaps, I should stop focusing so much on the reasons why and just do.

Like I just did.

GIST - Day 28

Things I am grateful for today

1. Chris made me coffee before he left this morning and brought me a cup in bed and we had a short conversation before he went to Etown.

2. There wasn't a line at Cape Fear BBQ today so I was able to get something for supper.

3. It is going to be a relatively easy night (in spite of the fact that there are still 41 guaranteed arrivals tonight.)

4. I got a hug from Beth today that made me feel better. (I had a panic attack this morning and it was the most awful feeling I have ever experienced.)

5. I had a nice conversation with a friend before I left for work.

Friday, July 1, 2011

GIST - Day 27

Things I am grateful for today

1. It was busy in here tonight. (It has calmed down now and there are only 8 people left to arrive... but seriously, this night has been super busy and that has actually been a really good thing.)

2. cheddar bacon ranch tendercrisp sandwich.

3. being told I have a lovely voice.

4. a smile from a stranger at a stoplight on my way to work while I had tears rolling down my face. (that smile really helped turn my day around somewhat.)

5. having a moment to just breathe at the end of this day.

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 175

It's been awhile since I have done one of these although my offline gratitude practice remains on point. In no particular order, here ar...