Monday, December 31, 2012

GIST - The New Year's Eve edition

Things I am grateful for today 


1. The joy of hearing my children pick & play with one another today with the absence of fighting.

2. Listening to Elizabeth attempt to tell jokes. She has good comedic timing even if all of her jokes have been told so many times that you can't help but know the outcome.

3. being loved.

4. a relatively slowish evening at work tonight.

5. making some goals for next year that I think will be do-able versus the usual resolutions that I forgo about 18 minutes into the new year.

6. good friends

7. buffalo chicken pizza

8. random compliments from strangers

9. making some decisions that will benefit me.

10. coffee
 

Sunday, December 30, 2012

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 40

Things I am grateful for today



1. The holidays are mostly over. There is still New Year's to get through but the rest is history and while I enjoyed them; I didn't enjoy them as much as I wanted.

2. I have a wonderful family.

3. I have some really great friends.

4. The crazy canine aka Roscoe aka Scooter aka Thumper (and my favorite) aka Scobee. (It's a wonder he comes to us at all given that no one calls him the same thing twice in a row.)

5. Being secure in knowing that I made some sound decisions.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

GIST - The Christmas Edition

Things I am grateful for today 


1. The kids had a nice Christmas. (At least, I think they did. Nobody complained about what they got for Christmas so I guess that is always a bonus.)
 
2. I made chicken parmesan for dinner and it turned out really good.

3. a short work shift today (6 to 11!)

4. Grateful for it being busier tonight at work than it was last night.

5. Also, I have the next 2 days off.

6. Roscoe

7. coffee

8. some sunshine today

9. Chris. And Elizabeth. And Nicholas

10. finding a reason to smile today

Sunday, December 23, 2012

odds & ends

*I guess this is my version of cleaning out my inbox. I decided to delete all of the posts in draft because most of them had been there for months and months but instead of deleting this one, I finished it.*

I dreamed of moors again last night. As in Ireland. I don't know how I know it is Ireland in my dream but I do and it is. There is always a mist and I can hear music. The dream never goes beyond me walking on the moors; nothing concrete ever happens good or bad yet the dream is one that has been recurring on and off for most of my adult life. I, sometimes, feel like there are answers waiting there for me if I were to be brave enough to seek them out.

I try not to have regrets with my life because I typically feel they are a waste of time. You can spend time regretting the things you haven't done or you can go about doing them. So I was really surprised to realize that I do, indeed, regret some decisions that I made when I was somewhat younger, when Nick was younger. There are things I wish I would have done differently and I can only strive to not do those same things with Elizabeth. I won't call them mistakes because as they say "hindsight is 20/20." They seemed like the best decisions at the time. It's just now, presently, looking back on it that I think I could have/should have done some things differently.

My daughter says I work too much. I still haven't found a way to convince her that me working is something that is both necessary for the household budget and for my mental well being. She only knows that I am often at work in the afternoons and evening so I seem to rarely get to see her. And oh, how I miss getting to spend time with her. She doesn't seem to grasp that this is as hard on me as it for her. Perhaps, more difficult for me because I remember being able to stay home with them when they were both younger.

We have new cameras at work that allow me to see what is going on all across the hotel on all the floors. I really like being able to do that because now I can see when people are having trouble getting into their rooms and can head them off at the pass before they make it all the way back to desk to throw keys at me. 99% of the people who say their key doesn't work has actually not put it in the door lock properly. They always get a bit annoyed when I take their key from them and insert it into the lock and the clock clicks open on the first try.

This post is completely random and brought to you by the many things swirling around in my brain. There is more; there is always more but I am hesitant to write it out. And it's almost time for me to go home. 



GIST - The Sunday edition # 39

Things I am grateful for today



1. I am grateful that I managed to get my shopping done in the 4 hours I was out yesterday afternoon while I was off work.

2. coffee and the beautiful little girl who gets exasperated every time I ask her to make me a pot of coffee but who goes and makes it anyways (even with the huffing and puffing of her breath.)

3. my parents 

4. my sister (even if I haven't talked to her in almost 2 weeks.)

5. a quiet evening at work after a really busy week.

6. being loved.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Hurt

My day started out quietly enough.

I wasn't feeling well so I slept in for awhile. I had errands to run before work and Chris, who has been sick since Wednesday, stayed home from work and was sleeping. I heard a snippet on the radio about a school shooting in CT but didn't pay a whole lot of attention because they really didn't say much of anything except that police were on the scene and they would update when there was something more to tell.

I was driving down the road on my way to the bank when they interrupted their programming to announce that the death toll was at least 18 and that a majority of those were children. I felt a chill go down my spine. And it brought back to mind last year when my son's high school was on lockdown because someone had been shooting on campus and had shot a girl in the neck. Caitlyn has made a remarkable recovery and while the two incidents pale in comparison to one another, the feelings of helplessness and horror while waiting for him to be released were all brought back to the surface.

All afternoon I listened to the news. Until I just couldn't listen anymore and I had to change the channel. I have spent the evening at work with the television in the breakfast room on ABC family watching Christmas movies. I finally had to stop reading twitter and checking facebook. I needed a moment to breath.

And then I felt guilty. Because there are families tonight who can not simply turn off the news or not check social media, who have to deal with a reality that is now their new reality thanks to the sheer horror that was perpetuated on their community by someone who was a member of their community. It is senseless. It is stupid. It is incomprehensible.

I will not ever understand what drives people to do what they do. There is no amount of investigating that can be done that will make me understand that sort of evil.

My heart hurts for all the families affected. And then my heart shattered when, in checking twitter, I was informed that a woman I consider a friend lost her nephew in this tragic event. A bright 6 year old boy named Noah. I can't even....

I got home tonight and I hugged my children. Neither of them have mentioned being aware of what happened today. I'm sure Nick knows because he is as active on social media sites as I am so I can't see how he doesn't know yet. I don't know how to talk to them about it really. How do you explain pure evil? I am hoping in the next few days the words will come.

As I get ready to log off for the evening, I am thinking I will not be around very much this weekend. I have to work each day which may be a blessing in disguise because when I am at home alone I tend to think too much. And I need to do a few things that I have been putting off. And I need to cry. Mostly I need to process everything that has happened and the chatter and rhetoric floating around isn't going to help me do that.

In the meantime, the families of Newtown are in my heart and in my thoughts. It's such a small thing but for the moment, it is all I have.

GIST - The Sunday Edition # 175

It's been awhile since I have done one of these although my offline gratitude practice remains on point. In no particular order, here ar...